Ramblings, Incoherent Thought and Family

It happened again... I had my moment. For the past 12 years or so I have what I call my "Moment". It could be brought on by a memory...a song I hear (as it happened tonight), passing something familiar or just...stuff. It's the moment I have my 'breakdown' and cry. I cry because I start thinking about how it used to be...and how I still wish my Grandmother was here. This time of year...in my mind is SYNONOMOUS with her. Probably always will be. I wrote a few years ago (Look in December 2008) about Christmas Eve with my Grandmother. How it was this magical thing. It served to define Christmas time for me and I found myself looking forward to it probably more than I did Christmas Day (even though it's my Birthday). In that post (I recommend you read it)...I go into detail about what it was like...but it still doesn't capture it fully. I don't know that anything COULD. In fact...that's probably why I have my "moment". It's not ...

I had a buddy on Facebook who I believe got hacked...and since his email password (I assume) is the same as his facebook...these people got into his yahoo account and sent me the following email: >>>I'm writing this message with tears. I made a quick trip to United Kingdom with my fam. and we got mugged at the park of hotel where we stayed. worse of it was that our bags, cash and credit cards were all stolen at GUNPOINT leaving us penniless right now. It's was a horrible experience. need help flying back home and the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is that we still have our passports. we need some cash to settle our bills and get on flight back to the state.was wondering if you can loan me some money and i promise to pay back. please let me know if you can help. I'm freaked out at the moment.. The above email piqued my 'spammy-sense' and so I put it away in my head. What led me to this was the way it didn't sa...

The title for today is lifted from a song from a musical movie I saw in the late 80's. Can you guess it? I'll reveal it later... Have you ever had a toothache? I'm not saying a little tenderness...but that all encompassing pain that almost cripples you? Well I've been going through that now since almost last Saturday. What an incredible nuisance this is. Taking ibuprofen like Jujubees...drinking 3 gallons of water because it numbs the pain a bit...all of it. So like anyone with this kind of pain...I bite (well...not bite...that hurts too much) the bullet and go to the Dentist. I was supposed to go Wednesday anyway but I call Tuesday and get the appointment moved. They see me and WHEW...it's not good. Turns out my tooth was VERY close to an absess (not a good thing) and he begins to work on it. He numbs me and begins the process of root canaling the moler. I kept my original appointment for Wednesday because after 2 hours in the chair...he wasn't done. ...

My name is Will Benson...who used to go by Billy Benson...and I am a Teenage Bully Victim. There's so much going on the TV, Papers and interwebs about bullying lately; I guess I felt like maybe it was time to say that out loud. I say it again...My name is Will Benson...who used to go by Billy and I am a teenage bully victim. AHH the freedom. I don't mean to poke light at this epidemic...but I guess I wanted to write because I think the media has this ALL WRONG. They're tackling it from the wrong angle. I don't think covering the stories on Today and Good Morning America...interviewing puffy eyed parents who are now living through every parents' worst nightmare and reporting in angry tones about how the schools have no bullying policies, and states are cracking down is the answer. This isn't going to be solved by the emotional detachment that journalists are SUPPOSED to engage in to do their job. This requires something more personal. We're dealing wi...

Let me start by saying I hope I don't offend anyone with this one...but some stuff has been coming down the pipe with dear friends and family around me...and I just had to write about it. Within the last 7 days...three married couples I know and care about (two I was related to (one on each side of my family actually) and one couple whom I knew from church) seperated. This isn't a condemnation blog upon any of them. Their reasons I'm sure are valid to them...they may be legitimate to others who form such opinions. I can't really say. I only know peripheral information and to be honest...I don't need to know the hairy details. The issues matter to them and only them...I'm just heartbroken. In two of the marriages children are involved...but I can't help thinking that in all three relationships...children may be partially to blame for the breakdown. At least as far as the maturity level of one or both the people involved. There's no big secret that our gen...

Ok...I've taken a few days to think about this...and to be honest I'm still pretty hopping mad. If you didn't know...read this article below: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20006534-1.html?tag=mncol What the article says (in a very slanted way...but it is a blog/opinion piece) is that AT&T is moving to a 'tiered' service in regards to data use on their phone network. What gets me with this is how everyone is rallying to the 'it'll be cheaper' mindset. Yes...for some it will be. My wife has the motorola backflip...and looking at her usage...she never gets above 200 MB's a month...so she MAY be going on this plan...(however read below for why that's a bad idea...)...me after checking my usage I saw that I run around 500 megs with the last month or so going up to close to a gig (as I use Pandora more and more these days...mowing the lawn, at my colocation, even in the car)...so I'll be at the 2 GB model (as I'll be FORCED to switch ...

I know we're in an oil hurt right now...I KNOW it's not a great thing...but BP SCREWED up...and we're paying for it. I'm sorry to say this...but our environmental president isn't doing his job. I realize that I'm gonna anger BOTH republicans and democrats here (one by saying that a business investment should take a back seat to an environmental catastrophe like this, and the dems by saying Almighty Obama should have shut this down long ago)...but frankly we've given BP three weeks to clean up their mess. At some point when you're a kid...and your Mom insists you clean your room but you don't...and the smell starts wafting down the hall...and the bugs arrive to say hello and start seeking more filth in other rooms...eventually your Mom goes in (begrudgingly) and begins to clean up your mess. I don't know about you...but in those cases...when my Mom did that she would pick things I enjoyed but weren't necessary to 'throw out'...saying ...

Dear Will (Or whatever you're calling yourself these days); I'm writing this after writing a posthumous letter to myself 20 years ago...in anticipation of yet another letter I can write to myself in ten years addressing THIS one...it's like a virtual time capsule. Go with it. Anyway...I hope that this letter finds you well. I'm writing really to give you an idea and perspective on your life and where it's been since I have little doubt you'll be full bore into your (probably third) mid-life crisis. :) It's my hope that ministry has taken the place of everything else in your life as far as career and professional goals. Looking back from this point I can see where God has used the pain I endured to prepare me for that life. I'm hoping that I don't do something ridiculously stupid to screw it up for you. If you are in ministry...then I hope your heart is still strong. If not...then stop. Look around you and realize your life's work has TRULY begun....

I found an old book of poems I started back in HIGH SCHOOL. A lot of it is super-emo stuff...but it gives a good idea as to what was on my heart and mind back then...the below is the letter I would write to myself back then were he able to read it...I'm writing to myself at the age of 16 on May 7, 1990. I'm a sophomore in High School.: Dear Billy; By the time this is written...you'll have been gone for some time. I don't know when or how you went...but it was a slow and painful process. Sorry about that. Some say it might have started that first January day you stepped onto Oswego's campus...for others it was when you shared that first kiss with your first REAL love. For some they'll say it's when you had your first taste of a Sam Adam's Boston Lager. I think though...your demise started on a cold winter's night in Oswego. The fact is though...you're gone now...and I have been tasked with succeeding you. My name is Will...and I guess I came into ...

It's gonna be a weird weekend. I'm excited in some ways. Seeing old friends...making new ones (like I did last night)...being in the old school (that I was really only in 1 year being the first class to graduate from there) on that old stage. To look out on that crowd like I used to and in that moment...remember when it was all I wanted to do in the world. This weekend is a reunion show of the Academy Players. The drama team from my high school. They're doing it because it's the 20th year that Mr. Schaumann has directed there and...well that does deserve SOME sort of pomp. They decided to call any and all players back to be a part of this year's musical (Les Miz). It's a true honor to be there...and when I heard about it there was NO WAY I wasn't doing it. I've written before about how I feel about High School in here. How I see that time as sort of this awkward phase in my life. How I've gone to a few 'pseudo' reunions with various groups...

Change... It's as inevitible as taxes, and sometimes just as feared. So far for me 2010 has been about change. Granted I started the ball rolling with the whole weight loss kick I'm on (which has taken a bit of a back seat in recent weeks due to Grammy and now the meeing this week)...but almost since the new year began...I've been dealing with changes. At no time in my life can I remember so many things being so on the cusp of changing. From losing my final (blood) Grandparent...to the big move to a new town...to beginning to feel like I can do MORE...it's a bit disconcerting to be sure. Ok maybe disconcerting isn't the right word...but definitely one of those things that you can see coming and the idea of it causes you to wonder how it's all gonna come out. Ya know...I'm fairly easy-going. Like my father; there isn't terribly much in my life that can 'set me off'. That isn't to say I don't care about anything...but that there's v...

I sit here tonight in my office...surrounded by boxes with most of my stuff from this small room in it...and I find myself feeling the need to write. Gram's gone...and tomorrow we start the process of saying Goodbye. It's not a subject I'm terribly good at. Saying 'see ya later' or 'have a good one'...I'm fine with. The thought that I'll be seeing that person again...intending to at that moment wish the other person farewell...with every intention of picking up where we left off...even if we never see each other for years (if at all)...I'm good at that. I have experience with. One of my best friends in the world (next to Deb) I didn't speak to regularly for almost 10 years...even through email...yet when I saw her two years ago at a college reunion it was like we never were apart. We caught up, and then just continued conversations that were left dormant for 10 years. To this day she and I speak semi-regularly and my wife ADORES her. T...

We've had her for 29 years. I keep finding myself saying that...either audibly or to myself. We've had her for 29 years. It's astounding to think about it...29 years have passed since we lost Grandpa Benson and my Grandmother has been alive without him. She remarried around the 10 year mark...to a great guy (whom I call Grandpa Carl), but she beat the odds. A lot of people say that wives tend to outlive their husbands and if they do they can be VERY productive. That's true in the way I see it around me. My wife's paternal grandmother has lasted a very long time herself...same with Gramma next door (this little italian lady who lived next door to me when we were growing up...we called her grandma next door cause...ya know...she was a Grandma's age and...well...she lived next door.). My Grandmother had an entire lifetime of life without her partner...and that's a true feat. She's sick now. Today they move her back to the home and put her on hospice......