You Can't Go Home again Altman, but apparently you can shop there.
It's gonna be a weird weekend.
I'm excited in some ways. Seeing old friends...making new ones (like I did last night)...being in the old school (that I was really only in 1 year being the first class to graduate from there) on that old stage. To look out on that crowd like I used to and in that moment...remember when it was all I wanted to do in the world.
This weekend is a reunion show of the Academy Players. The drama team from my high school. They're doing it because it's the 20th year that Mr. Schaumann has directed there and...well that does deserve SOME sort of pomp. They decided to call any and all players back to be a part of this year's musical (Les Miz). It's a true honor to be there...and when I heard about it there was NO WAY I wasn't doing it.
I've written before about how I feel about High School in here. How I see that time as sort of this awkward phase in my life. How I've gone to a few 'pseudo' reunions with various groups I tagged with back then...and how it's weird given how after 20 years I still consider myself as having been more of an 'outsider' and reluctantly tolerated as opposed to a part of something. However in the past few years...as I look at my life I see now how wrong I was. I did have friends...I wasn't a tag-along (though I did TAG ALONG)...and that the etch-a-sketch I did on my life in 1993 while making me who I am today...may not have been the best way to get here.
I don't require validation...to hear 'you're good now Billy..." etc. My faith, family, wife and overall life have given me that. So why then am I so excited about this weekend? Why am I excited about seeing people I haven't seen in (in some cases) over 20 years? What's the big deal and why am I blogging about it?
I don't really know.
I just am. I'm excited to see Elena again to apologize for the umpteenth time for the 'sneeze of death' before the big kissing scene. I'm looking forward to hearing old stories retold in a new way and with a new perspective that only years spent growing and maturing with other people in our lives can provide. I look forward to seeing some people I feel I may have wronged when I was younger and if not saying "I'm sorry"...at least smiling and knowing that for us both our lives are exactly where they are because of those events. I can't wait to hear about what they're doing NOW...how they are and hopefully reconnecting so that catching up isn't so long-winded next time. I don't think it's validation per se...but more about renewing a connection that may have dropped from people who are just amazing people and were a part of some of the best times of my youth.
See these shows were probably the most important part of my teen years. They were MY thing...what I did better than most. They shaped the person I would become in later years by providing perspective, letting me be a part of (and occasionally lead) a team...and showed me how to interact with people (even though at the time I couldn't for the life of me apply what I was learning). I was a part of something bigger...that was (I hope) better for my participation in it.
I keep coming to this memory. Standing around in the choir room of the old academy before Opening Night of Damn Yankees. With tears still giving my eyes a certain shine from the mini-meltdown I had about my Grandmother and listening to Schauman while we were standing in a circle. He said that something like 'this will never happen again. That when we wrap up on Sunday...while some of us will do other shows...some won't and this is the last time that this group of people will be together to do this. It's precious...and remember that. '(or something like that...I'm paraphrasing). I remember feeling sad a bit because I realized that he was right. That these people I had gone so far out of my way to make like me (sometimes a little TOO far) and who's opinions were SO important to me. We were going to go our seperate ways. That while I will see some of the people in my graduating class at reunions (maybe)...that I won't be seeing the people graduating before or after me probably without bumping into them at Wegmans. That we won't sing together or perform like that again. In that moment I GOT why I was there. To do something that will never happen again. It was one of the first times in my life I disconnected from living in and for the moment...and realized that life goes on...things WILL change and from that...growth. It was a surreal memory for me and a moment I've never forgotten.
Even though a lot of the people I've been fortunate to act, sing and dance (if you call walking around in lines on a stage like a colorguard while waving our hands around "dancing") with on the three stages we've done shows on during High School won't be there this week (but you will be missed)...in some small way this is a time to grab a small part of that moment that wasn't to come again. We'll make new stories...probably play a round of Death Ball...tell some old ones, and find out about people not there from others still in contact. We'll laugh and have a great time...probably get pissed off a bit too and hopefully come Sunday Morning have one more memory to tuck away and not lose touch like we have in some cases...and make new connections too with people who experienced similar things as we did but at a different time.
That may be why I'm so excited. If nothing else...I get to step back in time a bit and this time appreciate the view for what it is and knowing that it's a fleeting moment...and to get everything I can out of it.
Kinda funny...cause that's how I try and live my life every single day
Thanks for Reading;
I'm excited in some ways. Seeing old friends...making new ones (like I did last night)...being in the old school (that I was really only in 1 year being the first class to graduate from there) on that old stage. To look out on that crowd like I used to and in that moment...remember when it was all I wanted to do in the world.
This weekend is a reunion show of the Academy Players. The drama team from my high school. They're doing it because it's the 20th year that Mr. Schaumann has directed there and...well that does deserve SOME sort of pomp. They decided to call any and all players back to be a part of this year's musical (Les Miz). It's a true honor to be there...and when I heard about it there was NO WAY I wasn't doing it.
I've written before about how I feel about High School in here. How I see that time as sort of this awkward phase in my life. How I've gone to a few 'pseudo' reunions with various groups I tagged with back then...and how it's weird given how after 20 years I still consider myself as having been more of an 'outsider' and reluctantly tolerated as opposed to a part of something. However in the past few years...as I look at my life I see now how wrong I was. I did have friends...I wasn't a tag-along (though I did TAG ALONG)...and that the etch-a-sketch I did on my life in 1993 while making me who I am today...may not have been the best way to get here.
I don't require validation...to hear 'you're good now Billy..." etc. My faith, family, wife and overall life have given me that. So why then am I so excited about this weekend? Why am I excited about seeing people I haven't seen in (in some cases) over 20 years? What's the big deal and why am I blogging about it?
I don't really know.
I just am. I'm excited to see Elena again to apologize for the umpteenth time for the 'sneeze of death' before the big kissing scene. I'm looking forward to hearing old stories retold in a new way and with a new perspective that only years spent growing and maturing with other people in our lives can provide. I look forward to seeing some people I feel I may have wronged when I was younger and if not saying "I'm sorry"...at least smiling and knowing that for us both our lives are exactly where they are because of those events. I can't wait to hear about what they're doing NOW...how they are and hopefully reconnecting so that catching up isn't so long-winded next time. I don't think it's validation per se...but more about renewing a connection that may have dropped from people who are just amazing people and were a part of some of the best times of my youth.
See these shows were probably the most important part of my teen years. They were MY thing...what I did better than most. They shaped the person I would become in later years by providing perspective, letting me be a part of (and occasionally lead) a team...and showed me how to interact with people (even though at the time I couldn't for the life of me apply what I was learning). I was a part of something bigger...that was (I hope) better for my participation in it.
I keep coming to this memory. Standing around in the choir room of the old academy before Opening Night of Damn Yankees. With tears still giving my eyes a certain shine from the mini-meltdown I had about my Grandmother and listening to Schauman while we were standing in a circle. He said that something like 'this will never happen again. That when we wrap up on Sunday...while some of us will do other shows...some won't and this is the last time that this group of people will be together to do this. It's precious...and remember that. '(or something like that...I'm paraphrasing). I remember feeling sad a bit because I realized that he was right. That these people I had gone so far out of my way to make like me (sometimes a little TOO far) and who's opinions were SO important to me. We were going to go our seperate ways. That while I will see some of the people in my graduating class at reunions (maybe)...that I won't be seeing the people graduating before or after me probably without bumping into them at Wegmans. That we won't sing together or perform like that again. In that moment I GOT why I was there. To do something that will never happen again. It was one of the first times in my life I disconnected from living in and for the moment...and realized that life goes on...things WILL change and from that...growth. It was a surreal memory for me and a moment I've never forgotten.
Even though a lot of the people I've been fortunate to act, sing and dance (if you call walking around in lines on a stage like a colorguard while waving our hands around "dancing") with on the three stages we've done shows on during High School won't be there this week (but you will be missed)...in some small way this is a time to grab a small part of that moment that wasn't to come again. We'll make new stories...probably play a round of Death Ball...tell some old ones, and find out about people not there from others still in contact. We'll laugh and have a great time...probably get pissed off a bit too and hopefully come Sunday Morning have one more memory to tuck away and not lose touch like we have in some cases...and make new connections too with people who experienced similar things as we did but at a different time.
That may be why I'm so excited. If nothing else...I get to step back in time a bit and this time appreciate the view for what it is and knowing that it's a fleeting moment...and to get everything I can out of it.
Kinda funny...cause that's how I try and live my life every single day
Thanks for Reading;
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