"Something has changed within me...Something is not the same"
Change...
It's as inevitible as taxes, and sometimes just as feared.
So far for me 2010 has been about change. Granted I started the ball rolling with the whole weight loss kick I'm on (which has taken a bit of a back seat in recent weeks due to Grammy and now the meeing this week)...but almost since the new year began...I've been dealing with changes.
At no time in my life can I remember so many things being so on the cusp of changing. From losing my final (blood) Grandparent...to the big move to a new town...to beginning to feel like I can do MORE...it's a bit disconcerting to be sure.
Ok maybe disconcerting isn't the right word...but definitely one of those things that you can see coming and the idea of it causes you to wonder how it's all gonna come out.
Ya know...I'm fairly easy-going. Like my father; there isn't terribly much in my life that can 'set me off'. That isn't to say I don't care about anything...but that there's very little in my life I'm so certain that my perspective is RIGHT...so I don't fight for it as hard as I maybe should...because you should only fight for that which you truly believe in. I'm still learning a lot about me, and myself.
I know I believe in Jesus Christ, and that he died for me. I know I believe in my wife...and that everything she desires is important and that her needs and desires are one thing I stand ready to defend...I believe in my family...I believe that they also are worth fighting for because I know that when the chips are down...they stand with me. Beyond that...I'm not sure what else I'm truly 100% certain of. My friends are important...but with the exception of a few...they've been a fluid thing. Coming in and going out...which as I understand it...is how life is. I stand with them...and will defend them...so I guess I believe in them too.
However when it comes to changes in my world...I become increasingly restless. 2009 wasn't a bad year for me at all...I started and ended with the same gig...the same girl...the same family...the same ideals and ideas. Yet now it's almost like the tide has gone out and coming in is a whole new set of wildlife and (literally) walls to surround me and mine.
It's not a bad thing I think...yet then why do I feel so uneasy?
I can't answer that...so I'll do what I always do.
I ride the change. I embrace it like an old friend...slap it on the back and then walk beside it following it wherever it will take me. Unlike some...I can see the changes coming...not sure what they are...but just knowing that it's THERE puts me ahead of some of the game. I'm gonna finish packing and move me and Deb...I'm gonna setup the new place and enjoy it. I'm going to mourn my grandmother...while trying to reconnect with family I haven't seen in some time. I'm going to continue to find ways to improve my performance at work...and continue to find ways to grow in my walk with Him. I'm going to try like crazy to become more compassionate to those around me...and get strength from God and not from me...
Then the changes will be like water hitting my ankles in the ocean. Feels good and funny at times...but all I need to do is step back onto dry land...and wait for the feet to dry before deciding to walk back in...or walk off the sand for awhile.
Thanks for reading;
It's as inevitible as taxes, and sometimes just as feared.
So far for me 2010 has been about change. Granted I started the ball rolling with the whole weight loss kick I'm on (which has taken a bit of a back seat in recent weeks due to Grammy and now the meeing this week)...but almost since the new year began...I've been dealing with changes.
At no time in my life can I remember so many things being so on the cusp of changing. From losing my final (blood) Grandparent...to the big move to a new town...to beginning to feel like I can do MORE...it's a bit disconcerting to be sure.
Ok maybe disconcerting isn't the right word...but definitely one of those things that you can see coming and the idea of it causes you to wonder how it's all gonna come out.
Ya know...I'm fairly easy-going. Like my father; there isn't terribly much in my life that can 'set me off'. That isn't to say I don't care about anything...but that there's very little in my life I'm so certain that my perspective is RIGHT...so I don't fight for it as hard as I maybe should...because you should only fight for that which you truly believe in. I'm still learning a lot about me, and myself.
I know I believe in Jesus Christ, and that he died for me. I know I believe in my wife...and that everything she desires is important and that her needs and desires are one thing I stand ready to defend...I believe in my family...I believe that they also are worth fighting for because I know that when the chips are down...they stand with me. Beyond that...I'm not sure what else I'm truly 100% certain of. My friends are important...but with the exception of a few...they've been a fluid thing. Coming in and going out...which as I understand it...is how life is. I stand with them...and will defend them...so I guess I believe in them too.
However when it comes to changes in my world...I become increasingly restless. 2009 wasn't a bad year for me at all...I started and ended with the same gig...the same girl...the same family...the same ideals and ideas. Yet now it's almost like the tide has gone out and coming in is a whole new set of wildlife and (literally) walls to surround me and mine.
It's not a bad thing I think...yet then why do I feel so uneasy?
I can't answer that...so I'll do what I always do.
I ride the change. I embrace it like an old friend...slap it on the back and then walk beside it following it wherever it will take me. Unlike some...I can see the changes coming...not sure what they are...but just knowing that it's THERE puts me ahead of some of the game. I'm gonna finish packing and move me and Deb...I'm gonna setup the new place and enjoy it. I'm going to mourn my grandmother...while trying to reconnect with family I haven't seen in some time. I'm going to continue to find ways to improve my performance at work...and continue to find ways to grow in my walk with Him. I'm going to try like crazy to become more compassionate to those around me...and get strength from God and not from me...
Then the changes will be like water hitting my ankles in the ocean. Feels good and funny at times...but all I need to do is step back onto dry land...and wait for the feet to dry before deciding to walk back in...or walk off the sand for awhile.
Thanks for reading;
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