Ramblings, Incoherent Thought and Family

 I've spoken of it before.  Christmas eve was the most amazing and magical time of the year for me from basically my first birthday until I was 16.  I'm sitting here on my last day as a 46 year old...and I find myself remembering all of it and missing my family.   It was my last full day as a 16 year old.  Grandma had been sick for awhile.  We all knew that the odds were good this would be the last year.  Christmas Eve was an institution for my family.  If I'm being honest...it was my most anticipated day of the the year...and I was born ON Christmas.  I have memories of sitting in classrooms in elementary school and thinking about how excited I was to go to Grandma's on Christmas Eve.  I can't exactly explain why.  I mean I was a lonely kid to be sure.  Nerdy and a bit weird (oh how the years change things lol).  I didn't make a lot of friends.  I usually had one 'go to' friend in each grade...but I was just the...

A man who changed my life forever…is gone.  He wasn’t alone of course.  I imagine that he was part of a committee that ‘chose’ me…and once I got to be a part of the department, it was a team of people that made an impact…but this man was the one who was the ‘face’ and ‘voice’ of that decision, and he passed this weekend. Dr. Jerry Exline was the Music Department chairman at SUNY Oswego in 1992.  At first he was this ‘disembodied’ deep baritone of a voice that somehow could speak faster than the Micro Machine man once you got him going.  He had spoken to me several times by phone over the spring summer and Fall of 1992, and became an actual ‘force’ in my life in the winter of 1993.  Now he’s gone and I find myself reliving that time…and thankful for him. Some history I’ve spoken before of how ‘lost’ I felt in High School sometimes.  While I may have had friends and a community I belonged with…for some reason I didn’t FEEL that way.  No doubt m...

  The loss of a friend…the end of an era. Cancer sucks. It’s taken so much from me over the years.   From a Grandmother who was the matriarch of our family, to a Mother who I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to.   It took one of my oldest and dearest high school friends who while we would fade in and out of touch…was an important part of my life and growth. Now it’s taken a good friend.   Many of you know I often speak of my college years.   It’s spoken with some reverence.   Like Andy Bernard (From the office) when he refers to his “Cornell” buddies.   I get that I’m lame in that regard.   I accept it…because at the end of the day those friends, (hell…I’ll say it…not friends…family) I made 27 years ago when I first stepped into Tyler Hall are the truest desire of a very lonely boy’s extremely broken heart.   Many of you know what my childhood was like.    I was an awkward kid who didn’t get along real well until later in High Sc...

Crazy...that's how it goes. Seriously...I thought things were supposed to slow down during this thing.  :) Izzy and I are doing a bit better.  She seems to have come to grips with the whole "I'm gonna just be stuck at home now" and was totally on her phone I believe literally from morning to night with her BF.  I can't blame her.  I can't help putting myself in this position as a younger person.  If this had happened while I was at Oswego I'm pretty sure I would have invented 50 different reasons to stay on campus awhile before probably relenting once my other friends went home.  This would be nuts for all of us so I can take a bit of an understanding tone probably. By Saturday things were fine. I started working from home Thursday.  It was really weird and yet also really great.  I worked from home fulltime for four years back in 2007-2011.  It's amazing how the old skills/disciplines came back.  Making sure I'm at my desk on ti...

So here it was.  My first full day at home.  No work to do, and just spending time in the office playing games, reading, starting to write my first real novel and just chilling out. The kids were due to arrive at 11...and I got my first 'not gonna win stepdad of the year' moment in awhile.  Our daughter texted Wendy this morning asking if her boyfriend could come over today.  Our heads spun.  For a few reasons... 1: Ummm...hi...have you read the news today (oh boy)?  We're under a pandemic and everyone is encouraged to practice Social Distancing and while I get that it's weird because we're still maintaining some semblance of life by having the kids go between homes etc...I'm not working, Wendy is working from home.  We aren't seeing her parents.  We're taking this seriously. 2: We'd already told her last week that once the first Fulton County case came in, we'd go to no physical contact.  She knew this when she went back to her Dad's ...

I made Monday an early night planning to sleep in till 7 and get to work around 8:30.  Well...my body apparently was too excited.  I woke up at 4:30 so got up, got showered and ready and went to work around the normal time.  I took my time and still it was amazing to see so little traffic on the road.  I got to work around my normal 7:30.  Got up top and let myself in and it was just damned eerie.  Not like the center is at Christmas.  Even then there's usually a handful of students and a full staff.  The center is still somewhat alive...but when I got in and saw the hallway with all the doors closed, no activity, no noise.  It was weird.   I got into my office and immediately got down to business.  First I had to spend about 20 minutes getting everything hooked back up.  When I left I powered down all my stuff and unplugged it just in case.  I got everything powered up and felt really good.  I was in my o...

It's hard to elucidate how weird it is to be home on a Monday and both working and not.  I was told by my boss that I would be needed today...for a few tasks so I was up at 8 and starting my day.  Going through tickets seeing if there's anything I can do, sending JCDC information that is needed for our new FAD to start and other information, being on TEAMS with other IT Managers talking about various topics.  I then spent time putting my work email on my PC and installing the remote software I'd need.  I took phone calls using my Mac instead of my iPhone as I forgot my lightning headset in my car so needed to use a computer one.  It worked great. I call it weird for two reasons.  One I'm still wearing my pajama pants and a backward hat and my wife is sitting six feet away making people sing into their webcams, there are cats fighting in the hallway and I'm pretty sure I've eaten like nonstop all day...but I'm also paying attention to things at work. ...

So we ended the night with my wife just laughing her damn fool head off at me. Apparently after three large Jack and Cokes, and two powerful Double IPA's...I become funny as hell.  Apparently I spun my chair around screaming "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" really loudly (which she proceeded to send to everyone we know...thank you love) and then stood up and put my forehead against the wall and stood still for what had to be about 20 hours (at least it felt that way to me) while I pondered the meaning of the universe. It was a great deal of fun 'hanging' with our friends last night.  We just had great conversations, and laughed and busted stones and just enjoyed being 'together' while being apart. It got me thinking a bit about things and how one little event...one choice...can change your WHOLE life. I think I've written before about how I went to Oswego.  That I was really into this friend of mine named Patti and that she went to Plattsburgh, We spoke pre...

So like a lot of people I thought I'd blog about this time in quarantine. Yesterday as the Governor made his announcement I thought "Well it won't be so bad.  I'll be able to work from home...this will be ok." Later in the day it became clear...my company is just not setup to allow us to work from home and that I have to use all my time and then...*shoulder shurg*? Of course I'll try for unemployment which should keep the car payment up and some of the bills and let us eat...if it prolongs then I'll look at retail gigs or something...but with an immuno-compromised spouse I also want to take this seriously and minimize my exposure out there to protect her.  It's truly a no-win scenario.  Luckily we live pretty 'meager' anyway...and without driving 100 miles a day and eating out etc...I think we'll be ok.  My next check should take us pretty far. I woke up this morning and had to swap things around.  Wendy and I started sharing the of...