Ramblings, Incoherent Thought and Family

So this is it. It's the eve of my last day working from home for UniteU. Tomorrow at 2:00 I go and meet my COO for my exit interview..turn in my keys and badge and stun gun and call it a day. Yet tonight...I'm a bit fearful. Throughout my 15 year career...I've had jobs and opportunities. I started out falling into computers once I realized that retail was NOT my calling. I believe God Himself gave me the talent for this. In the last 15 years I've learned more by trial and error than by book learnin'. When I married Deb...I started at a job where I worked for 16 months...and I remember being amazed by that. Then I had to kinda fart around till I fell into 5LINX where I stayed for over 2 years...and again was amazed. When I left there it was HARD to do. Even though I knew it was right. The CEO didn't like me for any number of reasons...and I was underpaid. So then I started at UniteU. The first three months I HATED it. I kept trying to go BACK to 5LINX...I was a s...

I don't do this often...but I'm going to say it. I'm sorry. To my family whom I offended with my previous post...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it here in a public forum. It was wrong of me to do so and I am truly sorry. I only hope you can forgive me. Thanks for reading...

Family Drama. For me it's as comfortable as an old blanket...or a losing record out of Buffalo. It's one of those things you can COUNT on to always be there for you. It seems like though all of a sudden I'm drowning in it and frankly...I personally am tired of it. There's other stuff going on...but I think today the camel's back broke and I just HAVE to write. I have a cousin...and they posted this: "Now I know why I seclude myself from the drama & ppl around me who say theyre my family". They go on to state how they're upset because apparently one of their siblings and another cousin friended their ex on facebook. Now this cousin of mine has moved on with their life. They have a relationship with someone...bought a house (or at least have moved into one) and they have two great kids. I'm not going to say who's side I'm on. The fact is to me..blood is thicker than water and at the end of the day I side with family (it doesn't hurt t...

Well...for those who haven't been keeping up on my facebook, twitter, internal monologues or looking to the sky for my smoke signals...it's finally happened. After four years of being a hermit and working out of the home...I've gotten a different job. Starting in mid-October...I go back to an office working as a Systems Administrator for a company called iCardiac (and yes...they did do the little i and capital letter...). It was a hard choice to make for me. I've gotten kind of used to working from home. Getting up at 7:45 every day, wearing shorts, and a t-shirt in the winter and a t-shirt and speedos in the summer...mid afternoon naps (take that 5-hour energy with your '2:30 feeling'...I found the PERFECT beatdown for it), and sneaking off for lunches. That all will end and while I won't have to dress SUPER business casual (I mean one of the guys I'll be working with WAS wearing a Thundercats T-Shirt during the interview) I will have to dress better th...

I know. I'm hopping on the bandwagon. It's hard not to. September 11, 2001 changed our entire way of life. Even though we've 'lost' some of what we learned that day...its ripple effects can still be felt in today's society all around us. From when we travel, to how we interact with members of arab races, to how we feel about the media (and coverage of tragedies) and to our level of trust in our leadership. September 11, 2001 has resonated with all of us since that day and nothing has been the same...so writing about it is...to me at least, a no-brainer. I can remember every part of that day. I was working in Building 111 at Xerox in Webster. I was a Systems Administrator for a development environment. I hated the gig. I didn't like the people I was working with too much and felt a bit 'in over my head'...but had gone 'all in' on the job and with my wedding coming up in 6 months...I knew I had to make a go of it. I didn't fit in the job......

It's been a long month I guess...so much has happened and while some was good...some not so much. First...we have a new addition. The poochlet called "Bunny" is doing well. She's a prissy little diva...likes only 1 type of wet food (apparently it needs to be Cesar Chicken and cheese and if it's from the fridge needs to be warmed)...and is still learning where to pee and poo (though it's not totally her fault...the new neighbors have two monster dogs who beyond barking at night like to bark at my little foo foo poochlet when she's trying to go and she gets anxiety.). Still for all that...she's become 100% my dog. She loves Deb...no doubts...but her choice would always be to hang with me. It's kinda new to me as animals have always seemed to like other people I was living with. Though she's trying (now she's starting to think about chasing the cats...in fact as I write this she just went after Monty and I put her in her cage and she's ...

Oye. Forgive the bluntness of this. I find I can process emotion better writing and to be honest...I need to vent. I was asked by a family member to officiate over a funeral for his mother. I prepared a message...prayed on it...tried to commit as much as I could to memory...and was honored to be asked. The service went ok for the most part...until my time came to speak. I spoke for ten minutes about comfort, mourning and the like. I was about 2 minutes from wrapping up...when a member of my family decides to 'Kanye' me...my uncle comes down the main aisle with a friend of his...calls me boring and then proceeds to 'shuck and jive' for about 10 minutes until my cousin called a stop to it rather humourously. At that point I closed up...and things went as they were going to. We spoke afterward and I told him that I felt that he had disrespected me...and he did apologize. I do forgive him...but man I can't say I'm not hurt today. This uncle and I have had a real lon...

Wow... Say it backwards...Wow. Say it upsidedown...Mom. I've always said that saying...sometimes I'd alter it to say 'say it sideways...'Equal Opportunity Employer' say it sideways backward 'Sigma Omicron Sigma'...you get the idea. But it never struck me how appropriate the first two parts are in a situation. My cousin...probably one of the closest men I'll have to having a blood brother...we grew up together...and were tight all through the years...even as we've obviously gotten our own lives in the last decade or so...we are tight. My cousin lost his Mom. My former Aunt-in-law...and for the life of me I couldn't imagine being him. See I know in my heart of hearts that that's REALLY why I'm here. We exist because our parents wanted to leave a legacy. To have children and to in some ways carry on the traditions they were handed. Our role is to outlive our parents. On a cerebral level I get that. Yet for all that...I can't help feeling...

It's kinda weird. When I was 17...I couldn't WAIT to get out of Canandaigua. As you no doubt have read previously...I was an awkward kinda kid. Just didn't seem to fit (or actually...I'm realizing that was in most cases that perception was in my head and believe it or not I chalk it up to pride...but more on that later) and so I just seemed to look forward to being able to hit 'reset' when I went to college and while I had friends and people I ran (or in other words...glommed onto like a barnicle) with...I tended to feel like I was a loner type of person. However...in the last few years...with the adoption of Facebook I've spent quite a bit of time reconnecting and getting together with old high school people. I actually find myself looking forward to seeing them, finding out what they're doing and just having some laughs. Usually at least once a year someone will have a picnic and this year the class of 91 (the one before my graduating class) had their ...

I recently got back into playing Chess. My Dad just got an iPhone and we've had a few games going of 'Chess with Friends' (A great app...turn based so you make a move and wait for the next person to make theirs). It got me thinking though about life and us as Americans. In this current game I'm playing...I'm pretty screwed. Pop's got both his knights and one rook still out there with 5 pawns and I have 1 knight and 5 pawns. He's got me mated in probably less than 4 moves at this point...so I ask myself..."why am I still playing?" I realized why right away...and it's what I see wrong in society today. Most people have become afraid to lose. I see it more with today's kids. I think in this super stimulated, video game, blu-ray internet age...kids have become less active then they were...and it seems that education has moved to a system that seems to hold mediocrity and success as equal. We give all the kids awards. Some teams stopped keeping ...

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It's weird. Writing about that night was cathartic for me in so many ways...thank you for all the kind words. I rarely do 'follow-ups'...but today I had to...because Last night I got a chance to talk to Gram... Now I'm not crazy and I know now it was a dream of course...but it felt so real last night... The dream was structured like this...I was at Grandma's old house for some reason and the family was there and we were discussing Grandma when someone said that she was ok. It appears the last 20 years was a mistake on our parts. She was only 'Mostly dead' or something like that...and the doctors managed to revive her. She was still bed-ridden...but she was back. It was seriously like something out of some cheesy soap opera or something. It was surreal to be sure and USUALLY in these types of things I know I'm dreaming...but last night I went with it. I found myself just sitting and talking with her. The family were all running around and doing th...

I remember it being somewhat mild that day. Sunny for most of it. It was a Saturday and I had just gotten the lead in the school musical (Damn Yankees). I was pretty high on life. I was kinda just fiddle farting around before I was gonna go to work at the mall (my Mom was Assistant Manager at The Pro Image so my Dad, sister and I all worked there at various points) to help close up when the phone rang at 2:30. It was my Aunt Micki and she told my Mother that she better get into Grandma's right away. Grandma had slipped into another diabetic coma like a few weeks before. Like sailors on an Aircraft Carrier at General Quarters...we all reacted. Betty was going to a 'Steck Party' that night (her first), so was going to stay at home and get picked up I believe by Joe Pfeffer. My Mom and Dad told me to get ready and they'd run me into Eastview and I"d have to amuse myself till 6 when my shift started. We got ready and the three of us were off within 30 minutes...