The loss of a 'watershed' person in my life. RIP Stan Gosek.

It's hard to lose your heroes. 

Such a profoundly obtuse statement in some ways. Of course it's hard. It involves dealing with ideas of mortality, growing into roles that until now we were happy to have filled by others and judging by the previous generations I've seen, an overwhelming urge to go to early bird dinners and eat peanut brittle and cole slaw (thank God I haven't gotten to that last stage yet...cole slaw still feels like an abomination YUCK)

In the past few weeks I (and many many others) have been dealing with losing a true mentor and friend to cancer. Stan Gosek was a true renaissance person. Gifted in teaching, tennis and probably most importantly...music. He was a 'watershed' person for me and so many others I know. My wife asked me last week when I described Stan in those terms what it meant. I always defined a watershed person as someone who would come into my life, and change it so that every day after getting to know that person...my life would never be the same. There are very few people I can say that about. I have met many wonderful and incredible people but for me my watershed people would be my wife Wendy, former wife Debi, my sister Betty (as I'm older), obviously my parents/grandparents and what I called the 'Oswego' people consisting of Stan, Jerry Exline, Doc Soluri, Julie Pretzat, Dr. Smiley and Redd/Sue. There are a few others (people from my churches etc) but this post isn't about me. 

I lump the Oswego people together because in all honesty I'm not sure there's ever been a more dynamic period in my life than the period of 1992-1996. That's not to say it was easy at all. A lot of pain happened then...but I can and do label those pains as 'growing' pains. The boy I was when I arrived in Oswego wasn't the somewhat more mature boy I was when I left. In that time I'd grown from an incredibly insecure person with no idea who I was or what I really thought about life and the world and had become an incredibly insecure person with some idea of who I wanted to be and had started to define the moral and professional compass I had wanted my life to reflect. 

Stan had a great deal to do with that. 

If you didn't know Stan (first of all I'm sorry...you missed an incredible person) allow me to try to give you some context. When I joined the music department Stan Gosek was the head of both the Solid State Jazz Ensemble and the State Singers vocal ensemble. He was also a very gifted piano player and composer. He arranged almost all of the music for both of his ensembles and this allowed him to feature the strengths of the groups he'd curated. He once told me during a reunion that one of the goals for the two ensembles was that he wanted to give opportunities to those in the community around the music department at Oswego to experience what it was to play with elite musicians. Meaning that he always saw Solid State and State Singers to be comprised of students and members who had talent of a certain caliber. They may not always be the 'best' player he once said...but they were the best 'team players'. Your spot was never secure in these ensembles. The expectations set by Stan and maintained by the students who had been there awhile was that just making the group may be the first goal, but it was never a destination. You had to audition every year and while if you had 'made it' Stan tended to know what you could do which gave you an advantage...there were times especially in Solid State where long time members didn't make it to the group. The expectations once in the group were also incredibly high. You had to keep working and showing you had the chops to be there. For the State Singers, that meant memorizing the music. Not just the pieces you would. be doing for the fall/winter/spring concerts etc...but usually an array of 'former hits'. I remember one tour that we had a little extra time to 'kill' and Stan just out of the blue said 'ok we need to fill time. At the end we're gonna do this medley of Beatles tunes from the previous year. For you newer people we went through this one time, so hopefully you memorized that too because it was in the back of your folders. Got about 20 minutes or so so may want to brush up.' and with that Stan grin he turned and went back to what he was doing. 

I had learned it...sort of. I got with the other guys and we kinda quick went through it. I was nervous because I hadn't had the rehearsal I thought I needed. My co-baritone Noah assured me though to just 'follow him and we'll get through'.

We did. It was awesome and one of the first I can remember feeling like I was a REAL musician. 

That was what Stan was going for. 

 When I think about the days of my life and the path taken...I can literally see that without Stan taking a chance on this geeky kid who could carry a tune in a bucket but who was an absolute pain in the @$$ sometimes...with few social skills and less self-awareness than a beetle...I wouldn't be me. I probably wouldn't have this wife I waited almost my whole adult life to marry, I wouldn't know the real value of true friendships, I'd be living my life in ignorance and vain self-importance trying to 'front' being a good person without really knowing what the hell that means. 

I can remember so much about the 1993-1997 years of my life...and the years in State Singers.   How I had to basically tell my vocal teacher who didn't see the value in it for me that being asked to be a part of this group meant something to me.  It was a 'win' that would allow me to find more 'wins' in life. It also helped show me how to deal with the losses.  

He helped teach me without belittling  me.  He'd see me making a 'goober' mistake in my personal life and instead of just hand-feeding the answer...he'd ask the pointed questions 'you think that's a good idea?  What's the plan after?'.  He treated me like a professional and for the life of me I couldn't thank him more for it. 

In the past 30 years since I left, and the 20 since I reconnected with Stan at various 'Chez Rouge' events and other times since...I've always made it a point to get some facetime with him.  Stan had retired years ago but never stopped teaching.  While at a picnic or other event he would sit there and 'pull back the curtain' on his life a bit as well as his thinking during the years he was more formally entrusted with our higher education. To hear the stories, the anecdotes, the ideas. From old memories we shared but from his perspective,  I remember one night during a reunion in 2008 or 9 a bunch of us were sitting at a table at Green's having a beer and he shared how when he'd been asked to take over the Solid State and State Singers, he wanted to make those groups be as professional as possible and give us the opportunity to experience things like touring, being part of an ensemble that had a 'higher expectation and that things like 'setting up and tearing down' were not 'beneath' the performers. (We never had 'roadies'.  Each member of the ensemble were assigned to a 'team' such as 'speakers', cabling, microphones etc' and after performing were expected to help tear down.). Sitting there then I remember being struck at how deliberate the entire organization was and that not only did his plan succeed...but I had a part in it.  

I saw Stan almost every year since after that. At various cook outs at Redd and Sue's, performances with his Freefall Orchestra, during COVID he'd show up almost every week to our 'Music Dept zoom calls' or at various Music Department/Mu Beta Psi reunions.  At every event Stan would be surrounded by various former students and still tell some great stories. From the time as part of the committee for Harborfest he had struggled to find great bands and had even had to try to hire this band called Smashmouth and they'd had to up their 'asking fee' because of the changes to the industry.  Of course I had to laugh as even he admitted that Smashmouth didn't really 'trip the switch' but of course I would say things like 'but Stan, it's Smashmouth. Their musicality speaks for itself' and he'd give me that look he did when I was his student and said something that he knew was just me 'being Will'. Even this past year he spoke at length about what Mick Jagger does to keep his voice in shape.  He talked for almost 30 minutes about the regimen and how even Mick Jagger practices things like 'vocal rest' to prep for shows. These are things I'm so thankful I was there to hear and those will be something I'm going to miss for a long time to come. His is a voice that will resonate with me and others. 

In the 'mount rushmore' of musicians in my life I would put my Dad, my Wife, Steve Harwell (the lead singer of Smashmouth...again an incredibly gifted musician) and Stan Gosek (ok one of those is a joke...but I'll let you decide.). I am so thankful that I came to this college when I did, met the people I did and became the man I am. 

My life is my life because of Stan. Every day that came after that first meeting was different because he was my teacher. He taught me so much about music and being a musician.  When we found out about his diagnosis a few years ago, I was always concerned this would be the result. My wife and I both are saddened by his loss and I know our 'framily' from that time feel the same.  We had a zoom call (like we did during covid) just this past week.  In it we talked 'next steps', we made sure we all knew how much we all love each other and are sharing in this grief.  We toasted Stan and what he did and I was again amazed how one person could resonate throughout so many lives. 

Stan was that.  He was a pebble thrown into the pond of the SUNY Oswego Music Department and his experience, joy of music and life and unique 'style' resonated in the lives of everyone he knew and mentored.  In the years since I counted him as a friend as well.  I miss him and will continue to do so for awhile.  

Rest in peace Stan.  Thank you for taking a chance on me and for making my life so much better. 

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