Precious Time...making the most of the moments.

 

It's been a pretty great week. 

To say I've been blessed would be a colossal understatement.  

Many know that as part of my job of late I've been able to travel. This wasn't a part of my job when I started it three years ago.  It started about two years ago. I'd travel a bit for one client but over these past two years I have been able to go to various locations for various clients to onboard them to our platform. 

It's a pretty cool thing.  Even at 52 I find myself enjoying the chance to go to various places and experience local food, new churches and other fun stuff. 

I didn't realize though that the best perk would be being able to see my Dad more often. 

Dad moved to the Phoenix Arizona area about 11 years ago now.  My Mom had passed and I think Dad realized that for his 'second chapter' he needed a new 'normal'.  So in fall of 2013 I rode with Dad out to Sun City where he'd live with my Uncle and play music.  He's thrived. He met a great lady named Carole and they've been married for some time now. 

The hardest part of course has been the distance. 

2500 miles is not a 'day trip'. It requires flights, hotels and planning. Dad tries to come 'home' at least once a year and other than one year he's been able to get back to Upstate NY.  He used to try to do it at Christmas time but that proved to be problematic for him as his blood now has the consistency of Code Red Mountain Dew without the red dye #5.  He transitioned to summer/fall and it's been great.  

Still it's once a year. 

I take time off of course. We try to make the visit something awesome for him. Whether it's a trip to Saranac Lake or other adirondack locations, fishing trips, maybe a casino...I try to give Dad an experience. 

Still it's hard. 

Losing my Mom impacted me in many ways.  While it's really 'normal' and kind of why we exist in the first place (to outlive our parents)...I've found that losing Mom was tougher than I thought it'd be and in some ways it feels like I kinda lost Dad too.  

There's calls almost weekly (Thursdays usually) where we catch up, chat, make jokes and always tell each other we love each other...but it's not the same. 

In some ways though...it's also strengthened our relationship.

I feel closer to my Dad now than I did before Mom passed. In some ways my Dad was like an abstract to me. I knew he loved me and I him...but it was really watching how he cared for my Mom in those final months that made me realize how incredibly awesome he is on his own. Beyond just being my Dad. 

He went up daily and stayed with her in the hospital from the first bell of visiting hours until they said he had to leave. That was 14-16 hours per day seven days a week. He'd come home Sunday for laundry.  Even when she was transferred back home for her final weeks...he stopped sleeping in his bed.  Her hospital bed was put in the living room so he slept in a (very comfortable) recliner in the living room next to her head.  He helped her to the rest room, got her drinks, gave her meds and slept next to her every day. 

He showed me what love was in a way that for some reason I missed as I was getting older. In fact when I started thinking about his actions from my childhood I saw that he didn't change course toward Mom's end...but instead was still doing what he always did.  He was taking care of my Mom...and showed me how to care for my bride if the time ever comes. 

We got a little closer in the year that followed Mom's loss...but I'd be lying if I felt close. I was worried about and for him. I could see he was waiting for my Mom to tell him what she needed...only she wasn't going to be able to anymore.  He was unhappy and I hated it. 

When he came back from his brother's funeral and said he felt like he needed a change...I was ready. I didn't relish watching my Dad wither away. In fact I had a feeling that would happen so I got behind it. I rode out with him on his trip.  Stuck around for his first week and then flew back home. 

We had a great time. Chats in the truck, at the hotels and even made a mistake that ended up getting us to Arizona in only two overnights (we forgot when we drove to CA in 1987 that we stayed in MO between stops in Indianapolis and Amarillo...by the time we hit OK it was already pretty late and we ended up staying somewhere and the next day went all the way into Uncle Lee's).  

So now...I treat every visit with him as precious time. I make sure to take time off, make sure I don't have responsibilities that require my attention and to suck every possible moment up with him making memories.  

It doesn't mean it's necessarily large events...and I'm certainly not selfish...but I look for opportunities. Whether it's playing a silly golf game on the PS5, watching a show I think he'd like (I showed him Daisy Jones and the Six last time and he introduced us to the Chosen), taking a drive or staying with him at a hotel when he was in town to see my Aunt who was close to passing. The highlight of his last visit home was his last night.  We were at a campground in Edwards NY Wendy found years ago and we were just sitting on the porch having whiskey and beers and he was telling me stories of how my Mom and he met. Things I'd never heard.  

It's these moments I cherish. 

So last month when I heard I needed to go to Colorado to onboard one of our new clients...I realized I was in the same time zone as my Dad.  The site only needed me onsite for a day or two...but since I work remotely I realized I could probably sneak in a visit to Arizona on this trip.  I talked to Wendy and she was more than OK with it so I researched and flights from Denver to AZ were less than a hundred dollars and I had many points on Enterprise so that I didn't have to pay much for my rental (I even got a free upgrade to a 2025 Mustang Convertible...and you better believe I had that top down most of the week...70 degrees, sun and a convertible was amazing). 

As great as the upgrade was...the moment I arrived at my Dad's...I knew I made the best choice ever.  I worked there for three days but I kept my east coast hours so was just working at 5:00 AM local to 2:00 PM...then Dad and I would take a trip. 

We visited. He helped me buy another cowboy hat...we talked. Laughed. I got to meet his new puppy...(and oh the fun she is.. lol). Got to see my Uncle Lee and then I even got to be there with him when he went in for a routine outpatient procedure.  Then Sunday I got to hang with my 'bonus family' (Carole's daughter and husband and kids) watching football (which was for me THE HIGHLIGHT of the trip...I was in a house with die hard Bears fans and got to just enjoy a family football day.  It was awesome.)

What's amazing to me and the reason I write today is that I realized that this was all just an amazing blessing and it came from realizing that this was what I needed to do and where I needed to be.  I got to minister to my Dad while he was recovering. I got to minister to my Bonus Mom, I got to help my Dad at church as he drove people around their parking lot in a super sized golf cart and then sat with him again when we unexpextedly asked to sit outside as they had plumbing issues and solved the problem by setting up a few 'Johnny on the spots' at the edge of the property.  So we sat outside in case people couldn't walk to the outhouses and I christened their new super luxury multi row golf cart 'The Grand Pooh Barge" (Say it fast and it's funny if you're of a certain age and remember Howard Cunningham's 'lodge' from Happy Days). 

I was there because I was listening. I was looking for the moments. I could have easily flew to Colorado and just came home...but I wanted to see my Dad. Then we find out his procedure would be scheduled a few days into my visit allowing me to be there for him and 'tag in' for Ma.  Sure it was a small outpatient procedure but my Dad is in his late 70's...so even small procedures could become a problem and being there let me be in that moment with him.  I got to hear from the Doctors about what's going on and I now know what to ask Dad about in the coming weeks when I call.  

I got to make memories with Dad. I got to see things...experience moments and find out more about my 'bonus family'.  This was amazing. 

So I encourage you. Put your head on a swivel.  Find the things that matter to you and make sure you're looking for the chances in life to take those opportunities.  I am thankful to my boss and company for enabling this. I'm thankful to my Dad and my bonus fam for making me feel welcome and a part of the family and I'm mostly thankful to my God for blessing me with this gig, and this man as my Father. 

I love you Pop.  Can't wait to see you next time.

Thanks for reading.