Ramblings, Incoherent Thought and Family

It’s not often I get political here in my blog. In fact if you were to read it I suspect you’d find me to be pretty self-absorbed. I do that because to me sometimes…blogging is a form of therapy and a way to get my thoughts out for me to read later…publicly…ok…maybe I need to rethink this. Anyway…I’m led now to wax political. This post could offend some, not offend others and make others WISH that I was offended. What follows is my 100% opinion. I will say that publishing it could cause me to lose my standing in any organization I belong to and I do it knowingly. I write this because…frankly…I’m annoyed at the backlash and hand wringing going on around something that BOTH parties manipulated into being. I’ve followed the trials and tribulations of the latest public Christian to be ‘crucified’ by the media ‘elite’ of this country with some interest. Phil Robertson is an honest, no holds barred Christian man with (in my opinion) an incredibly sound doctrinal belief in the ...

Its November...the week of Thanksgiving. With each day we get closer to the holidays...and while I was doing 'ok' for awhile with the loss of my Mom (As much as one CAN be anyway...) I find myself thinking more and more about what the coming days will bring and mean. If anyone had a reason NOT to be thankful for the events of the past year...(hell the past two)...it'd be me. I've lost the two most important women in my family in the past 730 days. I've been between four jobs...and had countless heartbreaks pains and hurts. I've seen my family go through similar traumas...cousins dealing with things NOONE should have to deal with, aunts and uncles get sick. My father dealing with the single greatest pain I think he'll ever face (I hope)...there's SO much to be miserable about. And yet... I'm not. Not in the slightest. I'm still thanking God...I'm still thankful for this great life. That he took time at some point just about 40 years ag...

I had come home from my first day in a retail job. I was sad...miserable. I had just moved home from my own apartment...moving back in with my parents when I'm 38 years old. I was going through a separation from my wife...I was as low as could be. Self respect was something I used to envision as a goal to be aspire to achieve again because I hadn't had it in what felt like forever. However it was November 11. Not only that...but November 11, 2012. 40 years after Mom and Dad had said vows to each other becoming the one unit that contained the TWO most important people of my life. This was a day of celebration. I came home from work resigned to smiling and celebrating. They were going to go to a nice dinner. They'd rejected invitations from sisters and brothers, my sister, even me to go to dinner with them and they said repeatedly that they wanted to go to dinner alone as a couple that night. I was excited for them...but as this was my literal first day working fo...

Dear Mommy; It's hard to believe it's been over 2 months since you had to go. It's been a major adjustment for us all...even though for three out of the four months before you left...you weren't at home. That last month though...man did we live. It was a great moment made up of many great moments. I'm beyond thankful you were here for that. You're still missed. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't enter my thoughts or your name doesn't come out of my lips. Dad and I are slowly making progress on the apartment. He cleaned a lot of your room yesterday...reorganized the closet you shared and I think it gave him some peace. He got a new chair...and it's really nice. He's hurting deep still though...(as we all are)...and that's obvious. He's not overwhelmingly 'emo'...but there's a pain behind his eyes. He misses his partner...and in some ways his brain. He's not sure yet which way he wants to go with ...

It's been a crazy couple months. SO much has been changing. From the (finally) moving forward with my divorce...to Mom's health...to the job search. It seems like the chaos and uncertainty of the past year is FINALLY starting to melt away...not necessarily in a good way...but certainly in some way which can be refreshing. See...I'm coming to realize that in a lot of ways...stagnation is even worse for the body than pain and bad things happening. Stagnation can rob one of their sense of purpose...of self. Stagnation allows for the idea that what is happening...it's become your new normal...and you're going to have to learn to live with it. This is a lie from the pit of hell. I don't serve a God of stagnation...I serve a God of movement and redemption. Words that mean ACTION no matter how you slice it. Divorce, death of a loved one and money issues are LITERALLY like the top three stressors in the world...and I happen to be in the middle of all three. Thi...

Some or most of you may have heard...but I know  a lot of people have been praying...and in some ways writing is how I deal with things...so I thought I'd update. I got a call on Friday to ditch work and get up to the hospital.  Dad had news.  I knew then...it couldn't be good news. My Dad had that tone again.  I called the bosses at the big yellow tag and then I did what any son would do in that situation who loved his mother so... I proceeded to stall.  I took the dog out, fed her, came up with a new 'cage' idea to give her space, ate something and made some calls.  Finally when everything was done...I went to the hospital...and sat in the garage for fifteen minutes.  In my mind...I knew.  I've kinda...always known.  There wasn't a peace...not in any of the surgeries or positive outcomes.  Somewhere I knew there was a shoe waiting to drop.  As I sat in my truck in the garage...paralyzed in a way...I knew that the longer I ...

My Mom has cancer. Such a weird thing to type...weird thing to think.  Hell...weird to even comprehend. As a kid...our mothers are almost always our first super hero.  No matter how much they annoy us...how they look at us when we play...chase us down the street trying to get us home.  Try to keep us from having our 'fun'...when the fit hits the shan...our mommies are the first ones we look for in times of distress.  Especially boys.  It's a fact of life...that as children of SOMEONE...on the most BASIC of levels...we exist REALLY to outlive our parents.  To be the legacy...to go on as our parents are mortal...just as our children are to go on for us since we are too.  On a cerebral level...I totally get it. Yet...now that it's hitting close to home I find myself feeling like an 8 year old boy who scraped his knee on the ground trying like hell to get home to have Mommy kiss it...only to find she's not there.  Losing a parent is a...