Good bye old girl...My Old Girl...Goodbye. RIP - Bunny Benson

IN late July 2011 I met one of the best friends I’d ever know.

My cousin’s mother had passed away and he asked me to do the service for him as I was still an Elder in my church and I guess he just wanted someone who knew his Mom to do it.  When I went over to Nate’s to talk about the service I met Bunny. 

See his Mom had a few dogs…and I believe even tried breeding for awhile.  One of the dogs…the smallest, had been hard for him to find a home for.  He’d tried our cousin Dawn but she had two big (awesome) dogs and Bunny just didn’t work.  So Dawn had to bring her back to Nate.  Then while talking about the service Nate and Rachel asked if we wanted her. 

See at this time…my former wife and I had 5 cats and were living in a house and kinda pondered getting a dog but we really wanted a puppy to avoid the issues that could come from introducing a dog to a pack of cats.  This little pooch seemed perfect for that.  The idea being…she’d be Deb’s dog as she was so small.

She was very quiet…showed little emotion or personality and seemed to be kinda…boring.

So we took her in…and in the process she became my bestest pal ever.

Though she was meant to be Deb’s…I think the fact that I worked from home at the time compounded with the fact that the cats seemed to had ‘laid claim’ to Deb…meant Bunny and I bonded.  We became inseparable.  Even when I started working out of the house it became a game.  I’d come in the door and shout ‘Where’s my Puppy?’ (kinda like what I do with my nieces and nephews), and you’d hear this skittering across the linoleum as she’d bound up and run down the hall to me.  She slept every night with me…usually curled in the crook between my arm and chest and loved to lay in the palm of my hand with her paws in. 

Over the next few months…she came out of her shell.  See I think she’d missed Joanne.  She had mourned her former master…but because I was around so much and loved to just give her attention…we became pals.  She developed this little personality.  She was a diva.  Her food had to be just so…she demanded attention and whenever anyone came to the door…she made sure we knew someone was there. 

When my world exploded in the winter of 2012…Bunny was my lifeline.  I was experiencing severe personal tragedy and trauma…not sleeping, barely eating, barely functioning…but that dog.  Every day would be excited to see me.  Bring me toys to throw and when I’d cry…she’d come up on the bed…back into me as if to say “here…cry on me a bit” and would just be there.  I don’t know if I would have been able to get through that time without her.  I’m pretty sure she saved my life.

When I moved into my first apartment…she was skittish again.  She wasn’t sure about it.  I’d go to work and she’d get antsy…but always obedient and still very close.  The minute I’d come home she’d run outside and want to take a walk around the complex.

When I moved back in with my parents…she got even MORE excited.  Now though I had to work every day…she had people at the house.  She bonded with my Mother right away.  Probably because my mother decided that Bunny needed eggs in the morning. 

Funny story…before I moved back in with my parents…my dog NEVER begged.  People would mention it.  She’d sit under you at the table.  She’d look at you but never jump on you, beg for food or whine.

That all changed when I moved into Mom and Dad’s.  Mom loved the Jimmy Dean breakfast bowls.  What I found out after living there a month…was that what Mom always did was eat the bowl and then when she was done…she’d put it on the ground for Bunny.  Bunny would attack that like a soldier taking a bunker.  After a few days…she started getting excited for it.  Dad would make Mom’s bowl and from a sound sleep in my room, if Bunny heard the freezer open, the package rip and the microwave open and beep as Dad set the timer…she’d jump out of bed…rush into the living room and sit there…whining and reminding you to put that bowl down when you were done. 

She did that whenever I ate bowls too…as recently as earlier this year. 

She loved my Mom.  I remember when Mom went into the hospital in April of 2013…we didn’t realize how that would impact Bunny.  It was after Mom had been gone a month or so and we realized that Bunny was acting a little stand offish with Dad.  He said to me “Why doesn’t Bunny like sitting with me anymore?”  (My dog would sit with Dad while he was on his laptop if I wasn’t home.  She really did love them both).  We tried a few things like putting Bunny on him and she’d not play, sit or be happy.  She’d get down and if I wasn’t home…just go sit in our room.  Finally we realized…Dad had been the one to take Mom to the hospital.  I believe to this day…that dog got mad at my Dad for taking Mom away.  She warmed up over time and by late June she was sitting with Dad again…but our suspicions were confirmed later…when Dad brought Mom home for her last month.  That dog got so excited to see Mom.  She kept trying to get up on Mom’s hospital bed (but with her claws being so long…we worried that she’d pop the air mattress)…but Bunny seemed to really perk up having Mom home.  She even sat with Dad again. 

And she mourned when Mom passed. 

After Mom had gone…my Dad went walkabout.  Took about a month or so to go to Arizona, see his brothers and just get his head together.  That time was special because I had just started working a real job again…but was still dealing with losing my Mom (and my wife) and that dog again…never left my side.  During that month she was my emotional tether and was just sweet and loving. 

When Dad came home…she was excited to see him.  It’s like she knew.  She’d still sit with him, beg for his food, be around.  Poop in the house.  All of it. 

Bunny wasn’t perfect.  She had a hard time being house trained (mainly due to my inability at consistency), she’d bark…a lot…at almost any noise.  She could be a bit of a princess and she seemed to like who she liked and disliked who she didn’t (I’m looking at you Neecie).  But she was unique.

Over the past few months…we’d started to notice she’d lost a few  steps.  She didn’t seem to bark at the door as much.  She would itch her ear and finally started falling over a lot.  We took her in and they diagnosed an ear infection three weeks ago.  They also did an exam and noticed that she seemed to be blind.  Then when we were giving her meds…Wendy started to notice that she didn’t seem to hear well either…and that smelling food under her nose (from her treats) didn’t seem to work either.  She had started howling at night and seemed to really be in pain some days.  She still kept falling and started having a hard time with the back left foot.  In short…she wasn’t getting better. 

Last night we went for the follow up and I had already started to prepare myself (if one could really do that).  I knew that things seemed to be going south with her.  We spent a bit of the day just hanging out.  She was so cute because even though she’d want to lay with me…she couldn’t maintain her balance or stay still so would fidget and fall…but we were still the best of friends. 

I took her to the vet and explained what we were seeing.  She did some exams she’d done 3 weeks earlier and confirmed that it looked like she had more than an ear infection.  Exams she’d passed before…she seemed to be struggling with.  She postulated that there was something either neurologically wrong or worse…cancer was somewhere.   She explained the options and treatments and we talked about her quality of life.  Standing in that room…I had to make the most difficult decision I can or would ever make and we decided that letting her go now would be most humane.  So they did it.  I was there the whole time…talking to her.  Calming her.  Petting her…and held her in the palm of my hand as they gave her the sedation…the way she liked to go to sleep.  I’m struggling now though…because in a very real way…I have lost one of the best friends I’ve ever had. 

I’m still struggling with it.  My heart aches in a way I wasn’t prepared for.  In some ways…this hurts worse than losing my mother.  She annoyed a few people.  She was a yippie little foo foo dog who would pee and poop on floors.  She was hard to deal with. Thing is though…she was my Bun Bun.  A part of the package.  Even when I moved out here…Wendy knew that the dog was a part of it.  She loved that dog as best she could (and believe me…Bunny didn’t make it easy some days)…but also in the last few weeks of her life…she was also the primary care giver.  She made sure she was comfortable…happy.  She’d take her out, keep heat on if she was cold (even on one of the 60 degree days), check on her and just was a great person to her. 

I miss her tons.  I’m going to miss her tons.  In a very real way…Bunny was the last piece of the life I had before 2012.  My car, wife, home, Mother, job, zip code, area code and whole world...nothing is as it was.   Through it all…Bunny was my constant companion.  Bunny was Sancho to my Don Quixote.   She’s irreplaceable and I think that is what I mourn.  I know the idiocy of that.  That people are there.  That maybe I’m missing something in this world if my best pal is a 3 lb, 1 foot tall canine.  Still…I guess it’s true what they say about a guy and his dog.  I never had a pet…let alone a dog who loved me like this before.  It was special.

I have my family.  My girl, the kids, my Dad, My sister and her kids, friends, a good gig, a life I’m building.  I guess I’m just sad that now…she won’t be next to me to see it.  And what I find hardest of all is that when I cry (and I have…a lot) over this…she’s not there to back up to into my arm and snuggle me telling me to cry on her. 

I’m going to leave you with something my Pastor always said…and I wholeheartedly agree with.  I hope one day…to become half the man my Dog thinks I am.

 

Thanks for Reading.