Dream another dream...this dream is over...for now.
Ya know...I don't have a whole lot to gripe about.
I sit here tonight...11:00 on a Thursday and this time tomorrow I'll be halfway through what could be the final chapter of a dream I've had for years. Doing a (what I hope is) quality radio show regularly...playing music I enjoy and being entertaining. It was always something I thought about in my mid-20's. I listened to guys like Don and Mike and occasionally Brother Wease and thought "I can do that...sure I'm weird...but I can be funny." Four years ago...I got the shot. After being a regular guest on Uncle Samoo's Zoo as the third wheel...and doing some voice calls...I got my own show. Samme handed me The Living Rock. I admit for the first year I didn't know WHAT to do with it. The show lacked focus and direction. I went in...played my chart (in no discernable order) and did some mike breaks in between. I had a few 'co-hosts'...but they didn't pan out. Rollin Joe was ok...but we just didn't click and Mighty Mo had some personal things pop up. Finally after a year it dawned on me that my show lacked direction. I listened to my charts (Which are VERY eclectic) and found that they were:
A: Mostly rock
B: The rock tunes were the tunes I REALLY liked.
So without any OK I changed the format a bit. I still played the tunes off my chart...but I focused MAINLY on the rock stuff. My show started to gel and get a voice of its own. I too I think started coming into my own as an on-air voice.
The show started to grow over time...Kid Dynomite came along and we were GREAT...but a weekly show was hard on him and then Trixie B (My beautiful bride Debi) came alongside and she has really blossomed on-air. She's magic at PRETTY much everything she tries.
Last week's meeting however WAS an answer to prayer. I'm a VERY busy man and I will admit to praying that God would start honing and focusing me a bit. Showing me where he wanted me to serve. Right now tonight I have my hand on a lot of 'plows'. It's ok...I'm able to because it's just me and Deb...but lately I've been feeling like I'm doing GOOD at a lot of things...but GREAT at a VERY few. It may surprise some to hear that being a husband is NOT one of the GREAT things I do. I NEED to change that. I've really neglected my role here...and so I've been asking God to show me where he REALLY wants me. It's been tough because the things I do (worship, Gauntlet, media, radio, website etc) I REALLY do enjoy doing...however I think I could do better at all of them with a little more focus. So I prayed that God would show me the way.
Unfortunately I got my answer at about 7:30 last Sunday. The Living Rock is going off the air along with Uncle Samoo's Zoo and Weathered Steel. The three shows with Christ at the center. YES I could go on...but I'm not just a DJ at WITR...I've always wanted to be the host of a show I believe in and music I dig...and I just can't get behind that stuff they play (though some of it is good).
So here I sit. I've put together my final show. It's a great set list. My personal favorite tunes of the last 4 years. There's something in it for everyone I think...and I'm excited to play it tomorrow. I look forward to sitting with Zip and talking about the show...and look forward to bantering with my bride one more time to entertain the masses. It's bittersweet..but while I was finishing I really got to thinking about my life and what I've been able to do.
Ya know...there are VERY few things in my life that I've wanted to do that I haven't been able to. I wanted to be a person who had real friends and relationships...and now I find myself surrounded by people who GENUINELY care about and for me...and whom I find I admire and love. I wanted to be a DJ on the radio and BANG...one day while I'm out of town my PD calls and asks me to take over The Living Rock. I wanted to be a DJ in a bar at one point...bang...did karaoke for a few years. Wanted to perform in a weekly show...bang...did a little thing every week with a bunch of friends who reenacted a movie...and also I was a backup member of Joey and Maria's wedding for a time. I wanted to sing on stage and in Junior year...I got the lead in the musical which set me off to performing in college and after and even now I get to lead the flock to worship every week. I wanted to make an impact in lives for Christ and I find myself now in a position to be used by Him daily.
My biggest dream though was dreaming about that one true love. When I was younger...that idea had a few too many faces attached to it. However when I met Deb...there wasn't a second afterward that I didn't KNOW she was my wife. She completes me in ways I can't describe. We have LITERALLY been to Hell and back because of and FOR each other. She's my corporeal example of what I believe Agape love is. I love her in a way I never thought was possible for me...and that is the biggest dream I've ever had come true.
So now I sit...again thinking about 'what's next?'. What are my dreams today? The biggest of course is to be a Dad. It's hard...some of you know what's up with me in that arena...and I find it dificult at times to see all these kids born...and to just be the 'cool Uncle'. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so hot on this whole 'weight loss' thing. My hope is that things right themselves and that I'm someone's Dad soon. It's my deepest desire...
I want to tackle acting again too. I dabbled a bit in High School and College...I don't think I was very good...but I enjoyed it. With J&M and RHPS...I did a bit...but again it was hit and miss...and I think it was more about me being on a stage and being noticed than it was finding a character, building him from the ground up and bringing his emotion to people. Maybe I can use these Fridays to get into some community stuff...use my voice and what experience I have acting to get back on that horse.
I want to also write a song. I've been dabbling at the piano...and some nuggets have fallen out...but nothing that lights me up. It's tough...I kinda remember my theory...but to make something that doesn't sound like every other piece of music is hard. I hope to get that inspiration too.
Really though...I just want to be a good husband to Deb. Most of you know...I'm not an easy guy to like at times. I can be selfish...insecure yet arrogant...socially inept at times and incredibily hard to like some moments. For all that though...this beautiful vision wakes up next to me every morning...looks me in the eye and tells me she loves me BECAUSE of all that. She brings out the ABSOLUTE best in me...and she deserves my best. I'm gonna use these next few Fridays to spend time with her and friends we haven't had time for since I started the radio. Then we'll see what's next...but for now...I just want to love my wife.
At the very least...it'll help my BIG dream of being a Dad someday I guess :)
Thanks for reading;
I sit here tonight...11:00 on a Thursday and this time tomorrow I'll be halfway through what could be the final chapter of a dream I've had for years. Doing a (what I hope is) quality radio show regularly...playing music I enjoy and being entertaining. It was always something I thought about in my mid-20's. I listened to guys like Don and Mike and occasionally Brother Wease and thought "I can do that...sure I'm weird...but I can be funny." Four years ago...I got the shot. After being a regular guest on Uncle Samoo's Zoo as the third wheel...and doing some voice calls...I got my own show. Samme handed me The Living Rock. I admit for the first year I didn't know WHAT to do with it. The show lacked focus and direction. I went in...played my chart (in no discernable order) and did some mike breaks in between. I had a few 'co-hosts'...but they didn't pan out. Rollin Joe was ok...but we just didn't click and Mighty Mo had some personal things pop up. Finally after a year it dawned on me that my show lacked direction. I listened to my charts (Which are VERY eclectic) and found that they were:
A: Mostly rock
B: The rock tunes were the tunes I REALLY liked.
So without any OK I changed the format a bit. I still played the tunes off my chart...but I focused MAINLY on the rock stuff. My show started to gel and get a voice of its own. I too I think started coming into my own as an on-air voice.
The show started to grow over time...Kid Dynomite came along and we were GREAT...but a weekly show was hard on him and then Trixie B (My beautiful bride Debi) came alongside and she has really blossomed on-air. She's magic at PRETTY much everything she tries.
Last week's meeting however WAS an answer to prayer. I'm a VERY busy man and I will admit to praying that God would start honing and focusing me a bit. Showing me where he wanted me to serve. Right now tonight I have my hand on a lot of 'plows'. It's ok...I'm able to because it's just me and Deb...but lately I've been feeling like I'm doing GOOD at a lot of things...but GREAT at a VERY few. It may surprise some to hear that being a husband is NOT one of the GREAT things I do. I NEED to change that. I've really neglected my role here...and so I've been asking God to show me where he REALLY wants me. It's been tough because the things I do (worship, Gauntlet, media, radio, website etc) I REALLY do enjoy doing...however I think I could do better at all of them with a little more focus. So I prayed that God would show me the way.
Unfortunately I got my answer at about 7:30 last Sunday. The Living Rock is going off the air along with Uncle Samoo's Zoo and Weathered Steel. The three shows with Christ at the center. YES I could go on...but I'm not just a DJ at WITR...I've always wanted to be the host of a show I believe in and music I dig...and I just can't get behind that stuff they play (though some of it is good).
So here I sit. I've put together my final show. It's a great set list. My personal favorite tunes of the last 4 years. There's something in it for everyone I think...and I'm excited to play it tomorrow. I look forward to sitting with Zip and talking about the show...and look forward to bantering with my bride one more time to entertain the masses. It's bittersweet..but while I was finishing I really got to thinking about my life and what I've been able to do.
Ya know...there are VERY few things in my life that I've wanted to do that I haven't been able to. I wanted to be a person who had real friends and relationships...and now I find myself surrounded by people who GENUINELY care about and for me...and whom I find I admire and love. I wanted to be a DJ on the radio and BANG...one day while I'm out of town my PD calls and asks me to take over The Living Rock. I wanted to be a DJ in a bar at one point...bang...did karaoke for a few years. Wanted to perform in a weekly show...bang...did a little thing every week with a bunch of friends who reenacted a movie...and also I was a backup member of Joey and Maria's wedding for a time. I wanted to sing on stage and in Junior year...I got the lead in the musical which set me off to performing in college and after and even now I get to lead the flock to worship every week. I wanted to make an impact in lives for Christ and I find myself now in a position to be used by Him daily.
My biggest dream though was dreaming about that one true love. When I was younger...that idea had a few too many faces attached to it. However when I met Deb...there wasn't a second afterward that I didn't KNOW she was my wife. She completes me in ways I can't describe. We have LITERALLY been to Hell and back because of and FOR each other. She's my corporeal example of what I believe Agape love is. I love her in a way I never thought was possible for me...and that is the biggest dream I've ever had come true.
So now I sit...again thinking about 'what's next?'. What are my dreams today? The biggest of course is to be a Dad. It's hard...some of you know what's up with me in that arena...and I find it dificult at times to see all these kids born...and to just be the 'cool Uncle'. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so hot on this whole 'weight loss' thing. My hope is that things right themselves and that I'm someone's Dad soon. It's my deepest desire...
I want to tackle acting again too. I dabbled a bit in High School and College...I don't think I was very good...but I enjoyed it. With J&M and RHPS...I did a bit...but again it was hit and miss...and I think it was more about me being on a stage and being noticed than it was finding a character, building him from the ground up and bringing his emotion to people. Maybe I can use these Fridays to get into some community stuff...use my voice and what experience I have acting to get back on that horse.
I want to also write a song. I've been dabbling at the piano...and some nuggets have fallen out...but nothing that lights me up. It's tough...I kinda remember my theory...but to make something that doesn't sound like every other piece of music is hard. I hope to get that inspiration too.
Really though...I just want to be a good husband to Deb. Most of you know...I'm not an easy guy to like at times. I can be selfish...insecure yet arrogant...socially inept at times and incredibily hard to like some moments. For all that though...this beautiful vision wakes up next to me every morning...looks me in the eye and tells me she loves me BECAUSE of all that. She brings out the ABSOLUTE best in me...and she deserves my best. I'm gonna use these next few Fridays to spend time with her and friends we haven't had time for since I started the radio. Then we'll see what's next...but for now...I just want to love my wife.
At the very least...it'll help my BIG dream of being a Dad someday I guess :)
Thanks for reading;
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