32 hours of blessing - Time with the 'Old Man' and my Dad is like jazz.
I don't think it's a big secret how I feel about my Dad.
In other blog posts, facebook updates or heck...just flat out conversation with me. When the subject of my Dad comes up...I don't hold back anymore.
I am a fan.
It started when I was a kid of course. I think most young sons when they have a father as engaged and present as mine was...have some sort of feelings for their Dad. Even ones who may not be the best 'father' on the planet...there is something to the bond between a Father and his Son. I remember seeing my Dad as my protector, provider and at times...the ruiner of fun. I still can't sit through "The Jungle Book" to this day because when it first was re-released to theaters in 1978...my Dad took my sister and I with our Mom to see it. We weren't there ten minutes and we were running around the theatre and being general brats. Dad gets us, takes us out and said we weren't going to stay because we were just too bad. I remember him taking us to Arthur Treachers after down on the 'ridge' and him telling us that he was sticking to the punishment. He knows we're sorry...but we (my sister and I) have to learn we can't behave that way. He then bought us fish and chips.
I can't see that movie now. I've tried a few times and it always feels kind of...'wrong' I guess? I think my sister said she hasn't seen it either lol.
But Dad did that type of thing with me. He impacted the person I was as a child and the adult I would become.
From the day we were driving back from the funeral home for my Grandfather's wake and he crumpled up the cigarettes and quit cold turkey his 'winston' habit at I believe Toomey's gas station...(it taught me that no matter what...I wasn't gonna smoke and I have never had a cigarette in my life). From sitting next to me under a streetlamp at the Dallas Cotton bowl in 1991 when the loss of my grandmother 8 months earlier finally 'hit' me...and he told me that it's ok to be sad still...that things will remind me of her sometimes and that it won't always hurt like this. From telling me how proud he was of me when I was 25 and working as a DJ and even though I was all the way in Irondequoit, and it was 2 AM on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning...he was proud that I knew enough to call him and Mom and have them come get me because I'd had too much (the gig surprised me with a birthday 'party' while I was DJ'ing...and I had a few too many shots and hadn't learned the 'tricks' yet.). I thought he'd be mad cause I was irresponsible and he said he was just so happy I knew to call...that he was really proud. From seeing how when Mom got diagnosed...Dad didn't let a little thing like a job, or comfort stop him. That from almost a week after Easter 2013, until August 13, 2013...he spent every waking hour of every day taking care of her. From sitting at the hospital from 7:00 AM-8:00 PM and driving home to eat and sleep and go back in the morning. Every day but Saturday because he'd do his laundry then because he knew that Mom's primary doctors were M-F and so he could miss talking to the interns. How he then sat at the nursing home while she was getting therapy. How he went back to the hospital daily when she did...and then how he went back to the nursing home and they made their decisions on Hospice etc. He then setup camp in the living room, sitting in my leather chair and 'ruining' the head pillow because he'd sleep there nightly/daily and his sweat would discolor the leather. (A fact that I see as a badge of honor on that chair. That discoloration shows the dedication of a man to his bride). He was there every day and night till the end.
And I was watching.
It's funny. I don't think most people KNOW we do that. Watch the parents we have. I certainly didn't until I became a bonus Dad. Even though my three kids aren't mine biologically...I've seen in each 'echoes' of not me...but my Dad and Mom. I realize now that's the nature/nurture debate in the flesh. In all three of my kids...there's a something. Whether it's a phrase (Nicholas calling his Dad the 'Old Man' to me one day and realizing he's never done that), or actions (Matthew taking such incredibly great care of his Mother...especially when I'm not home like now and Isabelle's loyalty to her 'circle'.) I think our kids will mimic the authoritarians in their life.
I can see now through the viewpoint of a parent and a son...that the man I am is shaped by the man who raised me.
It's been hard though.
Ten years ago after we lost Mom...Dad moved out to Arizona to 'hit reset'.
This person who was a daily influence whether he was physically with me or not and whom played a VITAL role in the recovery I had from the losses of 2012 and 2013...was not going to be in my orbit anymore.
Visits, calls, even text messages required scheduling and work. It's become harder to see each other.
Luckily...he's been able to get 'home' once a year since he left. It started at Christmas...but to be honest...his blood thinned and frankly, NY winters aren't for the 'thin of blood'. So he started coming out in the summer/early Fall.
It was during the last one that I realized.
That the time measured with my dad and I physically together...could best be measured in hours...and not days.
It 'flipped the switch' in my head. Made it a priority. The last two years...his visit is when I 'burn' my vacation. As a new employee still (just over 2 years) I get 2 weeks vacation and 1 week 'personal'. I try to take Wendy away around our anniversary of course...but the bulk of my vacation is 'reserved' for the Dad visits. The hardest part being every year he says the same thing 'well...money is tight. Not sure I can get back next year'...which makes me sometimes angry...and sad. Of course...I'm probably making much more than him...and I am like 'but...you need to come here'..lol. I didn't say that with the time I've been growing that I matured. I still can be a rather petulant child lol.
So...fast forward to a few weeks ago.
My company has a client that acquires and manages senior living communities. For the most part the facilities have stayed pretty much in the North East. It's allowed me to travel (as I'm the primary onboarding engineer assigned to them) and see some great places. From Ocean Meadows CT, to Wellsville NY, to Rochester and even Kentucky. I never imagined they'd acquire a place out west.
Well...we found out that they did just that. They acquired a facility in south east Arizona. So not just out west...but in my Dad's state.
To say I was excited would be understating it. I knew immediately this was an opportunity.
We worked out the details (as I am quite busy but we wanted to get these guys 'up and running)...and so I arranged to fly out early. Stay in Phoenix near Dad for a couple nights and then drive out Sunday after church to my work site and do my job.
When the plan was set, I let Dad know. To say he was as excited as me was an understatement.
He made plans. Some falling through (he forgot I don't like 'real' mexican food...so we got Italian)...and others changing (picking a lunch spot on Saturday was like trying to pinpoint a moving target while seated on a roller coaster and blinking every half second.)...but others not. Arranging me to meet my 'bonus' sister and her family as well as spending some time with my Uncle Lee and Aunt Lorraine.
I got to see his church. It was a great thing. He didn't know it...but I spent more time watching how people related to HIM...then how he was introducing me. Of course he had that proud 'Dad' tone 'This is my SON Will...he's from Albany. '...but I saw how other people in the flock seemed to gravitate to him. Even a chance encounter with a woman who was commenting on how comforted she was in just seeing him because he was the spitting image of a favored relative who had passed. Dad didn't know what to say to that of course...but I felt incredibly blessed because I got to see how others see him too and that's when I realized.
My Dad...is kinda like 'jazz'. I know I coulda said Country...but I think jazz fits better.
See...jazz is one of those 'underground' things. Yeah it's been in the mainstream before...or versions of it...but for the most part appreciation of it comes down solely to personal choice.
Sometimes...people just don't get it.
So when you find someone who appreciates that artist or genre you like that isn't really 'mainstream'...there's a sort of 'kinship' that comes. A bond that says 'we discovered this really cool thing...isn't it awesome?'
That's my Dad. That's what I saw Sunday at his church.
See...I've always appreciated my Dad. He may not have known it...but that's on me. Not him. I think he knows now how important he is to me. At least I hope he does.
I've been a 'fan' of my Dad since I was a little boy. As I grew and even 'rebelled'...the rebellion always was 'used' to bring us closer. (My love of the Dolphins...I think a big part of that came out of the rivalry they had with Buffalo and how that made us able to rib and joke with each other about them. Rock music and sharing something I think he'd appreciate that wouldn't drive him to tell me I'm ridiculous, etc). So I'm the 'long time listener'. I 'get' him and appreciate him.
So when I find someone who feels the same way...I get this 'charge' out of the fact that someone else sees it. It's not just me.
My Dad is jazz...and not even the 'weird' jazz most don't get. He's that pleasing jazz...that makes you just glad you found it.
I'm sitting here in a hotel room at 4:00 AM in Arizona because my cycadean rhythm interpreted the time as 6:00 AM and woke me up) and I wanted to write about this trip.
To someone who is measuring time with this incredibly important person in his life with hours instead of days...to get 32 bonus ones...I guess I'm just blessed.
I miss him already. More than once I thought about trying to just drive the three hours both days and go back to hang with him...but he didn't make me that way. I'm honoring him by exceling at my job...and trying to make him proud.
I love you Dad. I can't wait to see you again and I hope you know...you're very important to me and mine and if God had let me choose my Dad...I would like to think I'd choose you every time.
Thanks for reading...
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