How 7 years can change things
7 Years.
I remember being a kid thinking that was a long time. When you're in 5th Grade and someone says it's only 7 years till Graduation...or when you're 14 and it's only 7 years till you're 21 and legally an adult. It'll only be 7 years till Lake Avenue is FINALLY finished...before they tear it up again. It has such a mystique to it.
Yet here I am. 7 years have passed since what could possibly be defined as the best day of my life...and it feels like yesterday.
I can remember everything.
Waking up in the hotel room with my friend Mark in the adjacent bed snoring away. Feeling like I should be nervous...and yet...not. Looking out the window at the city skyline still awed by the way it just seemed to envelop the area...while knowing that Rochester's 'metro area' probably spans about 3 city blocks...but it's perspective is one of a much larger city when you're in the heart of it. Having breakfast in my t-shirt so I don't get anything on the rented clothes I had. Getting ready. Listening to my buddy Mark drone on about his speech and whether he should or shouldn't make a joke about my back hair...or my Mom (he did both). Feeling like that day was just another day. Wondering if I was missing something by NOT being nervous at all.
I remember taking some pictures with family in the suite, and then going downstairs to the lobby to wait for the limo to go and pick up Dad. The ride out to Bergen in the limo with my buddy Mark and deciding to not have anything on my breath and just drank a few cokes while watching some College Basketball on the tube.
I remember the looks of people on the streets of Bergen as we pulled in. No doubt wondering what a limosine was doing in such a rural community. One little boy waving frantically at us, no doubt wondering if we were someone important. I remember going up to the door to surprise Deb's Dad with the news that a limo was there to get him (having taken his car to the church the night before so he could get home and not worry about bad weather in his car). The look on his face when we all got in the limo. The general conversations that I was having but really not hearing as it started to dawn on me what was coming. That today was happening. The feeling of looking out the window as we approached the city and feeling that today was going to be a big day.
I remember arriving at the church...being ushered into the back 'agape' hall that was really a small gymnasium. Finding a Grand piano that was in tune...and just sitting there...plinking out chords and songs I've taught myself over the years. Realizing I was doing what I used to do before big shows. Warming up, and 'getting into gear'. I realized what a mistake that was and spent some time reminding myself this wasn't a performance. There'd be no acting today. Getting up and just talking to Mark, and my Dad and Pastor Bob. Praying a bit, and getting filmed for the video. Then getting the "It's time" from Pop and lining up with the other guys; Mark, Mike, Eric, Steve and Todd and walk out looking like the lineup scene from the movie the Usual Suspects (I can see Steve delivering Steven Baldwin's line still today). The music starting and the ladies coming down in order, Katrina, Betty, Becky, Mary and Jeanine...
I remember the overwhelming joy I got looking at who came next. She was standing there all in white, next to her second father. Walking down the aisle with a plastered on smile...acknowledging people as she passed. Stopping just short of the alter to kiss her first father on the cheek...and then being delivered by Luke to me on the alter. Locking eyes for the first time...I knew then as I did a year and a half earlier...this woman was my wife.
I remember the ceremony start to finish. The vows taken, the message Pastor Bob gave, the readings from my wife's friend from college and then by the woman I've come to consider an older sister instead of a cousin; Michelle reading from Corinthians and having a hard time finishing...though to this day I'm not sure if it was more stage fright or the moment that was rough. The song sang by my sister and father, Bob delivering the benediction and then the big kiss at the end.
Oh that kiss...ya know. I don't think I've ever told Deb about it...so maybe writing about it here is wrong...but for me that is one kiss indelibly etched into my brain. Just as Jesus' fate was sealed with a kiss from a betrayer...my fate was sealed with the kiss of someone far kinder, gentler and much more amazing. From that moment forward...I was a changed person. It wasn't instantaneous or easy...and there was DEFINITELY a process involved...one of pain, anger, and bitterness...but it all comes back to that kiss. That moment. That sealing of an eternal bond...that is where I think my life changed from one of selfish ambition and vain conceit...to one of trying to find a way to truly care about someone else as much as I did about me.
The rest of the day just flew by after that...to the drive over to the reception, to checking on Aunt Carol (Miss you still), to the reception and looking for our parents who mysteriously had disappeared...(messing with our room we would come to find out)...to the dinner where I realized my wife's taste was better than mine (her ordering the Fish and me the Beef then the Chicken and then finally ALSO having the fish). To the dances, then the mingling. The jokes, the laughter, making Uncle Bill get the garter. It all was a blur.
Except I remember at one point stopping. Just for a minute, and looking around the room. My wife was talking to some of her family and I found myself just alone for a minute. I looked around the room and I was just overcome with this amazing sense of peace. Almost my entire family (on my mom's side admittedly) was there...and on the other side was Deb's family and friends...there were people from Young Life, church, my old job at Concentrix, my wife's college days, even one of my oldest friends from High School with her husband. I remember looking around this room and realizing that THESE were probably the only people that would remember me when I'm gone. This was my life.
Then I looked on my bride.
To say she was beautiful would be the greatest of understatements. She was RADIANT. Her smile infectious, and her demeanor one of a gracious host. She worked the room like a pro and I was in awe of it. She made everyone comfortable...even though she was admittedly VERY uncomfortable I imagine in that dress that was full of cake I had managed to smash as a first strike. Still...she was amazing.
I remember that feeeling very easily...because I still have it today. We're not perfect. We fight, bicker, argue, get sarcastic with each other, tear each other down at times, and even stop talking for hours at a time...but through it all...I love her. I love her spirit, her amazing grace, her beauty both inside and out. I love the way she can walk through a public place and be stopped by old people who can just SENSE her kindness. (No joke...this happens...it's a fun thing to watch and I'm still fascinated by it today. It's like she walks around with old people pee or something to attract them). I love the way she can make me WANT to be better than I ever thought I could be. The man I am today is DEFINITELY one made up of ingredients used throughout my life. I thought about it and if someone were to write the recipe of Will Benson...it would be:
Add 3/4 cup of God
Add 2 Tblspoons of Me
Add 2/3 Cup of Debra Jean Benson
She has been a physical presence inspiring me the way I believe God wants to when I may not be able to hear Him. She makes me a better man and more importantly...makes me WANT to be a better man. My love for her is deeper than any that has come before and is something I can't ever imagine losing. It's not a gushy puppy love...but a genuine love. A love of a person for who they are all the way around...for the good the bad. For those things that make me swoon and those things that make me just want to scream. It's a real love...and the most real one I've ever known.
Deb...you're my rock, my life and my love. Except for God and his Son...there is noone I love more. I am a terrible husband sometimes...totally unworthy of the woman you are...and yet...you're there. I thank you for that and love you. Happy Anniversary my love...and thank you for the 2557 days of happiness you have given me (2 leap years). May God bless you; my love with long life, and everlasting joy...and help to make me worthy of one so wonderful as you.
Thanks for reading;
I remember being a kid thinking that was a long time. When you're in 5th Grade and someone says it's only 7 years till Graduation...or when you're 14 and it's only 7 years till you're 21 and legally an adult. It'll only be 7 years till Lake Avenue is FINALLY finished...before they tear it up again. It has such a mystique to it.
Yet here I am. 7 years have passed since what could possibly be defined as the best day of my life...and it feels like yesterday.
I can remember everything.
Waking up in the hotel room with my friend Mark in the adjacent bed snoring away. Feeling like I should be nervous...and yet...not. Looking out the window at the city skyline still awed by the way it just seemed to envelop the area...while knowing that Rochester's 'metro area' probably spans about 3 city blocks...but it's perspective is one of a much larger city when you're in the heart of it. Having breakfast in my t-shirt so I don't get anything on the rented clothes I had. Getting ready. Listening to my buddy Mark drone on about his speech and whether he should or shouldn't make a joke about my back hair...or my Mom (he did both). Feeling like that day was just another day. Wondering if I was missing something by NOT being nervous at all.
I remember taking some pictures with family in the suite, and then going downstairs to the lobby to wait for the limo to go and pick up Dad. The ride out to Bergen in the limo with my buddy Mark and deciding to not have anything on my breath and just drank a few cokes while watching some College Basketball on the tube.
I remember the looks of people on the streets of Bergen as we pulled in. No doubt wondering what a limosine was doing in such a rural community. One little boy waving frantically at us, no doubt wondering if we were someone important. I remember going up to the door to surprise Deb's Dad with the news that a limo was there to get him (having taken his car to the church the night before so he could get home and not worry about bad weather in his car). The look on his face when we all got in the limo. The general conversations that I was having but really not hearing as it started to dawn on me what was coming. That today was happening. The feeling of looking out the window as we approached the city and feeling that today was going to be a big day.
I remember arriving at the church...being ushered into the back 'agape' hall that was really a small gymnasium. Finding a Grand piano that was in tune...and just sitting there...plinking out chords and songs I've taught myself over the years. Realizing I was doing what I used to do before big shows. Warming up, and 'getting into gear'. I realized what a mistake that was and spent some time reminding myself this wasn't a performance. There'd be no acting today. Getting up and just talking to Mark, and my Dad and Pastor Bob. Praying a bit, and getting filmed for the video. Then getting the "It's time" from Pop and lining up with the other guys; Mark, Mike, Eric, Steve and Todd and walk out looking like the lineup scene from the movie the Usual Suspects (I can see Steve delivering Steven Baldwin's line still today). The music starting and the ladies coming down in order, Katrina, Betty, Becky, Mary and Jeanine...
I remember the overwhelming joy I got looking at who came next. She was standing there all in white, next to her second father. Walking down the aisle with a plastered on smile...acknowledging people as she passed. Stopping just short of the alter to kiss her first father on the cheek...and then being delivered by Luke to me on the alter. Locking eyes for the first time...I knew then as I did a year and a half earlier...this woman was my wife.
I remember the ceremony start to finish. The vows taken, the message Pastor Bob gave, the readings from my wife's friend from college and then by the woman I've come to consider an older sister instead of a cousin; Michelle reading from Corinthians and having a hard time finishing...though to this day I'm not sure if it was more stage fright or the moment that was rough. The song sang by my sister and father, Bob delivering the benediction and then the big kiss at the end.
Oh that kiss...ya know. I don't think I've ever told Deb about it...so maybe writing about it here is wrong...but for me that is one kiss indelibly etched into my brain. Just as Jesus' fate was sealed with a kiss from a betrayer...my fate was sealed with the kiss of someone far kinder, gentler and much more amazing. From that moment forward...I was a changed person. It wasn't instantaneous or easy...and there was DEFINITELY a process involved...one of pain, anger, and bitterness...but it all comes back to that kiss. That moment. That sealing of an eternal bond...that is where I think my life changed from one of selfish ambition and vain conceit...to one of trying to find a way to truly care about someone else as much as I did about me.
The rest of the day just flew by after that...to the drive over to the reception, to checking on Aunt Carol (Miss you still), to the reception and looking for our parents who mysteriously had disappeared...(messing with our room we would come to find out)...to the dinner where I realized my wife's taste was better than mine (her ordering the Fish and me the Beef then the Chicken and then finally ALSO having the fish). To the dances, then the mingling. The jokes, the laughter, making Uncle Bill get the garter. It all was a blur.
Except I remember at one point stopping. Just for a minute, and looking around the room. My wife was talking to some of her family and I found myself just alone for a minute. I looked around the room and I was just overcome with this amazing sense of peace. Almost my entire family (on my mom's side admittedly) was there...and on the other side was Deb's family and friends...there were people from Young Life, church, my old job at Concentrix, my wife's college days, even one of my oldest friends from High School with her husband. I remember looking around this room and realizing that THESE were probably the only people that would remember me when I'm gone. This was my life.
Then I looked on my bride.
To say she was beautiful would be the greatest of understatements. She was RADIANT. Her smile infectious, and her demeanor one of a gracious host. She worked the room like a pro and I was in awe of it. She made everyone comfortable...even though she was admittedly VERY uncomfortable I imagine in that dress that was full of cake I had managed to smash as a first strike. Still...she was amazing.
I remember that feeeling very easily...because I still have it today. We're not perfect. We fight, bicker, argue, get sarcastic with each other, tear each other down at times, and even stop talking for hours at a time...but through it all...I love her. I love her spirit, her amazing grace, her beauty both inside and out. I love the way she can walk through a public place and be stopped by old people who can just SENSE her kindness. (No joke...this happens...it's a fun thing to watch and I'm still fascinated by it today. It's like she walks around with old people pee or something to attract them). I love the way she can make me WANT to be better than I ever thought I could be. The man I am today is DEFINITELY one made up of ingredients used throughout my life. I thought about it and if someone were to write the recipe of Will Benson...it would be:
Add 3/4 cup of God
Add 2 Tblspoons of Me
Add 2/3 Cup of Debra Jean Benson
She has been a physical presence inspiring me the way I believe God wants to when I may not be able to hear Him. She makes me a better man and more importantly...makes me WANT to be a better man. My love for her is deeper than any that has come before and is something I can't ever imagine losing. It's not a gushy puppy love...but a genuine love. A love of a person for who they are all the way around...for the good the bad. For those things that make me swoon and those things that make me just want to scream. It's a real love...and the most real one I've ever known.
Deb...you're my rock, my life and my love. Except for God and his Son...there is noone I love more. I am a terrible husband sometimes...totally unworthy of the woman you are...and yet...you're there. I thank you for that and love you. Happy Anniversary my love...and thank you for the 2557 days of happiness you have given me (2 leap years). May God bless you; my love with long life, and everlasting joy...and help to make me worthy of one so wonderful as you.
Thanks for reading;
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