Ramblings, Incoherent Thought and Family

Its November...the week of Thanksgiving. With each day we get closer to the holidays...and while I was doing 'ok' for awhile with the loss of my Mom (As much as one CAN be anyway...) I find myself thinking more and more about what the coming days will bring and mean. If anyone had a reason NOT to be thankful for the events of the past year...(hell the past two)...it'd be me. I've lost the two most important women in my family in the past 730 days. I've been between four jobs...and had countless heartbreaks pains and hurts. I've seen my family go through similar traumas...cousins dealing with things NOONE should have to deal with, aunts and uncles get sick. My father dealing with the single greatest pain I think he'll ever face (I hope)...there's SO much to be miserable about. And yet... I'm not. Not in the slightest. I'm still thanking God...I'm still thankful for this great life. That he took time at some point just about 40 years ag...

I had come home from my first day in a retail job. I was sad...miserable. I had just moved home from my own apartment...moving back in with my parents when I'm 38 years old. I was going through a separation from my wife...I was as low as could be. Self respect was something I used to envision as a goal to be aspire to achieve again because I hadn't had it in what felt like forever. However it was November 11. Not only that...but November 11, 2012. 40 years after Mom and Dad had said vows to each other becoming the one unit that contained the TWO most important people of my life. This was a day of celebration. I came home from work resigned to smiling and celebrating. They were going to go to a nice dinner. They'd rejected invitations from sisters and brothers, my sister, even me to go to dinner with them and they said repeatedly that they wanted to go to dinner alone as a couple that night. I was excited for them...but as this was my literal first day working fo...